Be careful what you pray for darling. . . .

I was very smug about passing through security at the airport Thursday morning without a second glance by TSA. But in some way I missed the attention I usually get, the "random selection" for further screening, "can we look inside your suitcase", where are you going, and the full enchilada. I should explain that the full enchilada starts in the queue waiting to pass through security when you're pulled out of line for an extra interview. Then, even though you don't beep, you're pulled out of line to have your suitcase explored, your shoes are inspected, and sometimes you're frisked. Back, post 9/11, you could get pulled out at the gate for a "random" pat down. Once, just after 9/11, in Denver, I was given the full enchilada starting at the ticket counter. So by the time I was "randomly" pulled out of line at the gate--I lost my A status on Southwest--I was getting annoyed. I was standing with my arms outstretched while a TSA agent looked into my shoes. (Can you imagine a worse job? You spend the day digging through people's soiled underwear and smelling sweaty shoes)

"I'm sorry sir," he said looking up. "These inspections are random."
I started to laugh.He looked at me bewildered.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh out loud," I said. "But if I could hit the Colorado Lottery with this kind of randomness I'd pay you a million dollars a shoe to re-lace them!"
He had a sense of humor because he didn't haul me into the back room to be flogged. Instead he softly said:"I could've used the money."

On my return trip last night I got the full enchilada. Everything was back to normal. I stepped through the machine which shrieked. "New hips," I explained.
The young man was soft spoken but firm. "Stand here," he said. He pointed at two yellow footprints printed on a piece of carpet. He put on rubber gloves and patted me down. But he explained how he was doing it and where he was doing it on my body in case I couldn't feel his groping hands. "I'm doing your buttocks," Now I'm doing the inside of your legs," "now I'm running my hand around your waist band," etc. Thankfully I don't have to wear adult diapers yet!