Live it up! May 21st is coming soon.

Saturday’s Salt Lake Tribune (May 14) has run another article about Harold Camping’s prediction that the world will end on May 21^st. According to the Trib Camping predicted that the world would end in 1994, but. . .  

“Uh, Reverend Camping,” Brother Tom said.

“Yes my son?” Said the Reverend.

“Uh, you preached that the world was ending last year, 1994, and, well, it’s January 1^st 1995,” Brother Tom said. “So, I didn’t pay my income tax for ’84 and I gave away all of my earthly possessions except my RV and now I’m living in it, I quit my job, my wife left me because I tried to get her to believe you as well, and, well, so Reverend what happened?”

“It was revealed to me that the math I used was flawed because I used someone else’s theorems. Then the correct formulas were reveled to me and I’ve been working on computing a new date.” The Reverend said. “Furthermore, it was also revealed to me that because He guided you to keep the RV you should use to go out amongst the heathen and spread His new message. Part of that task is to remind those you speak to that the Lord’s work is not cheap. Remind them that they need at least $2000 contributions to be deductible.”

So, Camping “took a closer look at his math” and after a complex algorithm that uses a set date for the Great Flood—4990 BC, author unknown—and then adds 7000 years to the date of the flood. But, the math still doesn’t work so he added a 1 for the missing year “0” and you get 2011 after you translate the number to the Hebrew calendar to the Gregorian (even the Catholic Church is split on the accuracy of this calendar) which results in May 21, 2011.

Scene: date December 31^st, 1 BCE. Location: mud wattle huts along the Thames River.

            “So tomorrow is the first year of the new year, but is that new year 1 CE?” he says. The man sits in the shade of the tree, picking nits from a child’s head. “It feels like there should be something in between.”

            “You moron! Of course there’s something missing but the Maya who actually codified the concept of 0, will not be discovered, exploited, and almost exterminated by the Spaniards for another 1500 years.” his wife says looking up from grinding corn. “Furthermore, getting other moron’s, like you, to donate all of their disposable income to some guy who claims to hear the voice of god, and thereby launching one of the most lucrative pyramid schemes ever invented, is about 200 years hence. That business model will be started by what they will call the One Holy Church. But others will follow because that scam will be very lucrative.” 

  

Camping owns and operates a 66 radio station empire called Family Radio Network. He’s 89 years old so rapture might be a good thing for him. I’m sure he’s made piles of money over the years. That is the business model followed by any company wanting to stay in business. But, when/if the rapture happens as foretold what happens to Camping’s bank accounts, his buried gold, stocks, and bonds? If he’s figured out a way to take it with him that advice would be worth trillions!

Perhaps converting cash to diamonds and stuffing them into a body cavity?

The end of the world has been predicted periodically for over 4000 years. The track record is poor unless you throw in various plagues, regime changes that includes the coming and going of the Greeks and Romans and other empires, hurricanes, Vesuvius, tsunami’s, and death ascribed to religious based or inspired human avarice and war. For the victims of these calamities the world certainly came to an abrupt end.

Raptured?

Only one way to know: become a religious fanatic who believes in physical reincarnation after death and an eternal life in heaven. Some, however, will discover that being a sanctimonious, holier than thou, and Sundays and holidays church member might discover that hell is more than a concept to scare people out of their disposable income.